Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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