I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
