eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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