Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
