I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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