were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
