Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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