you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its not stalking. its research.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize