Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
