I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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