I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize