i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
