the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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