she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She told me I should be a condom model.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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