I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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