u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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