I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
