omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
