you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
