Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
