Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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