hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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