if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Shame - the story of my life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
