and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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