just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize