But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
