We're facebook friends in real life
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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