Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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