She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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