used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
