sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize