There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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