If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize