I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
