Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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