I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
