she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
