How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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