living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
