I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
