Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
