Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
