I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
