Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
