Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize