weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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