There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
