a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
