He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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