grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
