you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
