did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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