I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
