i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sobbing to NWA
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
