covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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