I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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