yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
