OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
