I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So much Jack, so little girl.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
