3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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