i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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