I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
