I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
