Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
