her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
