I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
