and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
