Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
