it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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