shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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