my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My breasts were aching with rage.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
