I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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