do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
