Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
