she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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