I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I'm really busy with my period
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