Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
