I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
