I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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