Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
