I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
