As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
