I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
