My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize